Legend of the Koopa King
by Guile
Summary: Bowser just wants to kidnap the princess. Pity things never seem to work out that way...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is going to be a 3 (possibly 4) chapter thing, light on the plot, with a possible sequel that's filled with less crack. Basically, I thought to myself, 'I want to write a fic where Bowser accidentally becomes the hero of the mushroom kingdom. How might that happen?' The rest followed from there. The background for the fic is a mish-mash of things from the original games, Legend of the Seven Stars, Paper Mario, the gameboy game, and a few others.

- - -

Bowser smiled. It was a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom; the birds were singing their hearts out, the sun was shining in a clear blue sky with just a few picturesque fluffy white clouds… and the Mushroom Kingdom residents were fleeing in terror from his not-inconsiderable wrath!

Yes, it was a good day to be the King. The Koopa King, that is. The Mushroom Kingdom Chancellor was probably having a somewhat less than stellar day.

And yet, as good a day as it was… something was wrong. Missing. He just couldn't quite put his claw tips on it…

Bowser looked around and frowned. He spotted a mushroom in fine velvet robes, and snagged him with one claw, bringing him up to eye-level. "Hey, Chancellor, what gives? You guys were even more of a pushover than usual. And where's the princess's little buddy Toad? He's usually hopping around and vowing the vengeance of Mario right about now."

The Chancellor looked, if anything, even more depressed and mumbled something that sounded like 'All our troubles come at once'. "Oh, Koopa King, you've come at a bad time. The princess and Toad were kidnapped!"

Bowser looked awkward and a little embarrassed. "Oh. Well. I assume Mario is off rescuing her? I could come back. You know, take a raincheck on the invasion and everything."

"No, worse luck," the Chancellor moaned. "Mario and Luigi are off saving Sarasaland from the predations of some _other_ villain! Oh, what shall we do!" He began to blubber.

"What!?" Bowser shouted and dropped the Chancellor, ignoring his cry of 'oh, my hip!' "Mario missing, and the princess stolen? Someone's horning in on my turf!"

He leaped back into his parked Koopa Copter and snapped, "Paratroopas, to me!" His winged Koopas left off menacing the less-than-impressive Mushroom Kingdom guards and leaped to the sky to hover around the floating Koopa Copter. "Which way did they go?"

"West," the Chancellor answered, favoring his side.

The King and his reptilian honor guard flew off into the setting sun.

It didn't take them long before they found some things that looked like big, pogoing animated weapons - swords and spears with eyes - herding Princess Peach and a few Mushroom people along. Bowser grunted, "I hope these aren't more of that poser Smithy's minions." Not worried, of course, Bowser didn't get worried. Just… maybe a little concerned that some people weren't as dead as they should be.

That jerk had taken over his castle two years ago, and Bowser certainly wasn't going to forgive him, even if the really cool equipment he'd left behind after his defeat was helping out his mechanics nowadays. He'd had to team up with the Princess and - ugh - Mario just to oust the squatter from his keep.

Buoyed by angry thoughts of Smithy, Bowser leaped out of his Copter and dropped into the midst of the sentient weapons like a mighty hammer, cracking the ground beneath his clawed feet and knocking everyone in the immediate area off their feet.

He knew that image was everything in the villain game, so even if he was thinking _'Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.'_ over and over, he managed a menacing sneer and a well-delivered, "And where are _you_ guys going with _my_ princess?"

The swords and spears bounced angrily and narrowed their eyes.

Toad groaned. "Not him again!"

Bowser grinned. "That's right, half-pint. Me again. Me always. You know what? I don't even care where you guys were going anymore. Paratroopas, attack!" His half-dozen Paratroopas had been awaiting his order, and now descended in a flurry of wings and fists.

The animated weapons put up a good fight, but Bowser's unquestioned might turned the tide. The many and varied sharp pointies of the enemies were like paper cuts to his thick hide, and his claws easily turned them into kindling and scrap metal in return. At one point, he grabbed one of the swords and went to town on the others, ignoring his shouts of vengeance and demands to be put down and using him as, well, a weapon. Not that he was a swordsman by any stretch of the imagination - Bowser was a brawler through and through - but he was strong enough to power through any guard the enemies put up, and had a grand old time flailing away at anything that wasn't dressed in pink or a stylish half-shell.

Inside of a minute or two, the Princess and her cohort were free.

Bowser turned to look at Peach and Toad, somewhat at a loss. He wasn't used to being on the rescuing side. They stared at him. He stared back. One of the paratroopas let out a cough into his fist that sounded like 'Awwwkwaaaard…' Eventually, he decided to just treat this as a kidnapping of his own. Then, just like that, he was back in his element.

"Okay, you lot, you're coming with us," he barked authoritatively. "We're taking you back to Mushroom Kingdom, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Peach blinked. "Well, okay then," she said.

Toad looked uncomfortable, swallowing his pride, before he blurted out, "Thanks, Bowser."

Bowser waved a clawed hand, unconcerned. "Don't worry about it, half-pint. We'll let you guys slide this time, but I'll be back in a week or two to finish up that invasion thing."

His Paratroopas, kidnapping being old hat by now, grasped the Mushroom people by the arms with their clawed feet and took to the sky. He reserved the right to throw the Princess over his shoulder, hop back into his Koopa Copter, and take off. Rank hath its privileges, and all that.

Bowser flew off with a deep "Mwa-hahahaha!"

- - -

When Bowser and the Troopas blew back into town with the Princess and her retinue in tow, the Mushroom people were overjoyed. They poured out into the streets, offering effusive thanks.

His Koopas closed inwards in confusion and disarray, like the Mushrooms came packing fire flowers and armed to the teeth instead of being armed only with well-wishes and thank you's. He couldn't really blame them - things had just gotten weird.

The Chancellor pumped Bowser's hand - a hand that was as big as his head, and could turn him into Mushroom shaped confetti with ease - energetically. "Truly, Bowser, we can't thank you enough."

Bowser grinned, his discomfort fading. "Don't worry, I'll come kidnap her again sometime and we'll call it even."

"Er. Right."


	2. Chapter 2

The Chancellor received the news with a look of terrible foreboding on his aged features. "Kidnapped in the middle of a picnic? With Mario and Luigi still off saving the world? _Now_ what shall we do?" With an effort, Toadsworth clamped down on his rising panic. He thought through his options, pitiful as they were. He saw only one choice. "Send a message to Bowser."

The mushroom who had brought news of the tragedy eyeballed him to see if the Chancellor had lost his mind.

"It's either that, or rescue her yourself," Toadsworth said testily.

The smaller toadstool snapped to attention. "Right then, Bowser it is."

* * *

"What?" Bowser growled. The young toadstool cowered.

He started to rant. His voice boomed grandly throughout the throne room, further terrifying the little mushroom person. Paying for the special acoustics hadn't been cheap, but it had been worth it. "Tatanga, that space rat? Taking _my _Princess? Feeling his oats again, is he? I bet this has Wario's sticky fingers all over it."

He looked to the Koopas on either side of his throne. One was thin and scholarly in appearance, with enormous coke-bottle glasses and a blue robe: Kamek, his best Magikoopa. The other had on a pair of dark glasses and a heavily scuffed and scarred green shell: Jagger, who had learned at the tiny feet of the mighty master of the fighting arts who called Land's End his home, Jinx. Together with the old crone Kami Koopa, they were his generals and advisors.

Running the Koopa nation was a pain in the ass, especially since they weren't all concentrated in one place. If Bowser hadn't learned to delegate long ago, he wouldn't ever have time for fun stuff like evil plots, princess kidnapping and plumber battling at _all_.

"Muster the troops. We're taking the new Copter." He grinned a toothy grin. "Bring the 'Shroom. I feel like having an audience for the first test flight."

"Yes, Your Surliness," Kamek concurred. "It will be done."

The new Copter was a marvel of Koopa engineering and had taken his mechanics months to put together. It was his birthday present to himself. The old Copter was only large enough for himself, and slow, to boot. Not to mention it stalled at inopportune moments, sometimes - like when he was out in the middle of the ocean. The new one as far above the old as the moon was from the earth. It lacked the sleek lines and smooth textures of some other villains' transportation that he could name, but it had a functional appearance and brute force approach that Bowser adored. It was big, boxy and metal gray - they hadn't gotten around to painting it yet, though he was considering a green orange and white clown motif for nostalgia's sake - and held together by huge metal rivets. The old propellers were still there, though now they were supplemented by teams of four Magikoopas to help keep it in the air. It could comfortably fit forty of his ground troops or paratroopas and himself, or around eighty if they crammed in like Boos, and was equipped with several Bullet Bill-firing cannons along the sides and one truly massive Banzai Bill mounted on the prow.

Just gorgeous. Overwhelming firepower really did have a beauty all its own.

The way the 'Shroom fainted dead away was so gratifying it brought a tear to the Koopa King's eye. It was so nice to see hard work appreciated. His men were already aboard, so he had only to join them.

He snapped his clawed fingers, and the metal monster climbed into the air and took off, cutting through the sky with all the grace of a hurled rock.

The trip to Kitchen Island, where Wario tended to hole himself up when not out making trouble for upstanding Koopas, was largely uneventful, because nobody wanted to mess with what amounted to a floating doom fortress.

* * *

Wario shouted up from the parapets at the ship invading his airspace, "Bowser, you overgrown lizard! What are-a you doing here?"

Bowser glanced over the railing.

"Shelling your castle, what does it look like?" Bowser shouted back. His Bullet Bills were doing a fine job punching holes in Wario's castle walls.

"Why? I'm expecting Mario at-a any minute! Then I can enact my master plan to -"

"Yeah, don't care. Mario's out saving the world or something. I'm here instead."

"What're you, the Mushroom Kingdom's gopher, now?"

"You _dare_ say that to me? Me, the Koopa King?" Bowser bellowed back, enraged. "I'm the main act, the end boss here! You are, at best, a side boss. My kung-fu is old school! I was kidnapping princesses way before it was cool. And you Johnny-come-latelies think you can horn in on _my_ turf? Get your own princess, I called dibs!"

"What was-a that, you bastard! You can't call dibs on a princess!" Wario started jumping up and down in rage before getting himself under control. "Anyway, how do you plan to take her back? You'd need an army to get through-a _my_ castle."

Bowser wordlessly looked at the gaping hole his Copter guns had opened in Wario's outer wall. But whatever; if Wario was going to hand him the straight line…

The big Koopa's eyes gleamed. "Oh, really?"

He snapped his claws and winged Koopas and Goombas rose up behind him, having been waiting for their cue. "Will _this_ army do?"

_Oh yeah, that was awesome. Always wanted to say that._

"Troopas, attack!" They descended in a flurry of wing beats while Bowser cackled above them. "Mwahahaha!"

Bowser believed that the best times in life are when you could legitimately add a 'mwa' to your 'ha'.

Wario scowled and headed back into the interior, likely to marshal his own forces.

* * *

Of course, Bowser had his reptilian honor guard on his side. Wario had clever minigames. It was a little one-sided.

"Man, we're screwed," Tatanga, the little purple alien, said sadly.

"We're not licked yet," Wario insisted.

Princess Peach just pouted. Getting saved by Bowser was just… humiliating, somehow. She'd almost rather - well, no, not stay kidnapped. She still didn't like it, though.

"Hey Wario!" Bowser stomped his way into the throne room on cue, sunglass-wearing Koopa trailing him. He boasted, "It took me just under half an hour to totally trash your castle."

Wario scowled," I really don't want to lose to this-a buffoon. Tatanga, take us up."

His alien subordinate obeyed, his little spaceship being just big enough to fit Wario, Tatanga and Peach. It zoomed up to hover near the ceiling of the high-vaulted room.

There was a reason the ceilings in Wario's castle were so high, and it wasn't just for the great acoustics.

"Ha!" Wario barked a laugh. His head poked out of the top hatch. "Can't reach us up here, can you?"

A gutsy Paratroopa took the perceived opening, swooping at Wario from behind. Wario spun around and lobbed a fireball directly at the poor lizard. The unlucky Paratroopa dropped, well-cooked, his wings gone up in smoke.

"Useless! Tatanga, warm up the laser!" Wario crowed, sensing victory.

Bowser thought about it. "Hrm. Jagger, get me my Chomp."

"Yes, Your Huffiness." The sunglass-wearing Troopa handed over a ball and chain creature.

"Aw, that's my girl," Bowser cooed as the thing coiled around him affectionately. "Who's my pretty girl? Yes you are! Yes you are! Who wants to destroy a spaceship for Daddy? "

He began spinning the Comp around his head in a tight circle, a blurring gray disc of steel.

"Now, go get them!"

The living chain flew straight and true, biting down on the underside of Tatanga's ship, it's steel teeth digging in with a gravelly sound a bit like 'grom nom nom.'

Bowser set his feet and heaved. Koopa muscle and anti-gravity engine battled it out briefly before the little spaceship was dragged downwards like a game of paddle ball. It plowed into the ground, skidded a bit, and lay still.

"Oh crap," Bowser yelped, remembering the royal cargo. He ran over, dug his claws in and tore out the windshield. "Princess, you okay in there?"

He was met by a fist to the chops.

Wario stepped out of the crashed ship, shaking out his hand.

"Oh yeah, that's-a some nice spite right there."

"Oh, that is it," Bowser declared, flexing his snout.

It was, Bowser reflected, a lot like fighting a slower, stronger Mario. Wario had the muscle and he had the jump, but Bowser wasn't going to keel over from a few punches. And Wario just didn't dodge as well as his heroic counterpart.

An enjoyable few minutes later, Wario had been beaten into a half-conscious, smoking heap.

Bowser ignored the mumbled, "So lame~" from the Italian villain and went rooting around in the spaceship. Moments later he emerged triumphantly, princess in hand. He trod on Tatanga on the way out just because he could.

The alien squeaked hilariously when he did.

"Let's roll, Jagger."

"Right, Your Grouchiness." Jagger had the Chomp's chain in hand like a dog going for a walk. Pretty much any other Koopa except Bowser himself would find themselves being dragged along behind the eager metal beast, but Jagger was a tough one.

"I can walk, Bowser!" came the complaint from the slight pink weight on his shoulder.

"I'm sure you can, Princess."

Which did not mean he would put her down, oh no. He strode through the halls like a conquering hero, all the way back to the new Copter. Well, he thought so; the fact that he looked like more of a kidnapping villain wasn't something his underlings would be telling him.

"Princess!" the toadstool yelped when Bowser set her down aboard his doom ship.

She smiled gently. "Hello, Tad. It's good to see you again," she said, once again proving her bizarre ability to tell her friends and subjects apart by sight.. He never could figure out how she did it. They didn't even have shell patterns to differentiate them.

Bowser cheerily trampled on the moment like he did - well, most things. "So, princess, that plumber gets kisses for _his_ heroics. What about _me_?"

She put a hand on her hip. "You're still behind by the numbers, Bowser. You've saved me twice, and kidnapped me… what, two dozen times now?" she asked archly. "Rescue me enough to get that number into the positives, and we'll talk. Thank you for the rescue, however."

Bowser briefly pondered if it would be worth it to turn hero. It was pretty fun, and he actually got to _win_ this way. He'd long since decided that some god had his benevolent hand over those two plumbers; they _never_ lost, no matter how clever or strong (or handsome) their enemy was. Maybe there was something to the hero thing, after all.

… Nah.


	3. Chapter 3

Bowser looked up at the arch that granted foot traffic entrance into the Mushroom Kingdom. The place was hardly deserving of the title, really - it was really only a small city, mostly filled with homey mushroom-shaped shops and houses, all dominated by the quite large castle inhabited by the Princess and her retinue.

But that was neither here nor there.

Bowser had cooked up quite a plan this time, if he didn't mind saying so. In his claws he held the Gorgon Scepter, a handsome crystal and metal rod acquired at great personal expense from the ruins buried at Land's End. It was a legendary magical item that granted its bearer the ability to transform its targets from living to unliving matter, or so Kami told him. Basically, he now possessed the power to turn people to stone.

It was really quite brilliant, he mused. Toad-statues couldn't run for help to those accursed plumbers, couldn't engineer their own escapes… they only had the ability to look pretty in his rock garden. Oh yes, Toad-statues would be all the rage among evil overlords soon, he was sure. Very feng shui.

He paused. He couldn't help noticing that the doors set into the arch were closed, with a piece of paper taped to the front. The doors to Mushroom Kingdom were _never_ closed. Princess Peace's people were open and welcoming to the point of stupidity.

He was starting to get the uncomfortable feeling that his grand plan was off the rails before it had even begun.

He glanced at the paper. In cheerful, blocky handwriting, it read, 'Sorry Bowser, no princess today either. Vikings!' There was a little frowny face doodled at the end. It had a mushroom on its head.

Valuable metals and priceless historical value splintered like matchwood in his clenched claws. Bowser stomped away, muttering and shaking his head. "That doesn't even… Mushroom Kingdom is a _landlocked_ nation, how did…? … did they _walk…_? … why Vikings, anyway?…"

This was the last straw.

* * *

The door to the lodge blew inward like someone had taken a battering ram to it, clearing at least five feet into the crowded - but now silent - hall. Bowser stalked through, having to stoop slightly just to make it through the human-sized door.

Princess Peach had gotten used to Bowser as one does an annoyingly persistent suitor or relation one does not much care for. He was just so… cartoony in his villainy, and he was really a bit of a crybaby when things didn't go his way. And it wasn't like kidnapping held any particular fear for her, after having been kidnapped by everything from aliens to a smelly disturbed man in a large tower and everything in between. Anyway, it is said that familiarity breeds contempt, and it was hard to feel terror at a fellow who Mario trounced on a near-weekly basis.

She supposed she'd forgotten that just because Mario - who was arguably the strongest, most tenacious man in the world today - could beat the Koopa King didn't make Bowser a pushover. Bowser had, after all, spent the better part of a decade fighting that very man, and coming back for seconds as soon as his wounds healed up.

She'd forgotten that the Koopas were classified as a monster race, not a humanoid one like the Mushroom people. And that Bowser was the biggest and the strongest and - okay, not the most intelligent, but two out of three wasn't bad - Koopa that race had _ever_ produced. He didn't have alliances or trade agreements or brains. He'd carved out a kingdom for himself and his race on brute strength alone.

This Bowser that stomped through the door was certainly no laughingstock.

The dim light from the cooking fires reflected off spikes and studs and the tips of claws, added even more fiery highlights to his bright red mane, and his eyes glowed yellow-green in the dimness as his gaze swept the assembled feasting warriors. He looked very big, standing there, so big that his presence seemed to fill the hall and she was half-surprised that his Mohawk didn't brush the tall ceiling.

The Koopa turned a slow, unimpressed eye over the proceedings. The feasting had ground to a halt at his entrance, and all was quiet.

Then he turned his glowing gaze to her, and she remembered why she'd thought he was such a goofball; because he _totally was_. The second he took in the fur bikini they'd dressed her in - over her protests, but they'd claimed it was traditional - that fearsome gaze turned into something more at home on a lovesick puppy, his mouth dropped open and his tongue was wagging.

"Bowser," she said icily, "take care of this, won't you?"

Though she considered herself a pacifist, the fur bikini - though surprisingly comfy - was really just going too far. She just wanted this whole episode over and done with.

The man who had been lounging in the over-large, fur-draped chair - like a throne except covered in wolf skins instead of brocade and velvet - stood up. He was himself very big, almost up to the Koopa King's chin. A golden-maned monster of a man in a brown bear-fur vest stretching across his muscular chest.

He called himself the Thane.

"Is this creature one of yours, 'Princess'?" he asked her.

Bowser had apparently found his tongue, swaggering forward. "Just the opposite, pal. She's _mine_."

The blond Thane stepped closer to the reptile, within the sweep of Bowser's claws, showing supreme confidence in himself. "Not so, monster. With the strength of mine arm have I taken this woman as mine prize. That I have rightfully taken her by virtue of strength, none may contest."

Toadstool was about to protest that, but Bowser steamrolled right over.

"Then I guess I'll just have to take her back," he pointed out smugly.

The Thane's ego roared, demanding metaphorical - or perhaps literal - blood. "I am the Thane! Unmatched in games of skill or chance! The unquestioned leader of mine people! What are you, monster?"

"I'm the Koopa King," he said simply. She thought he'd go through his speech about being 'lightning in a bottle, an earthquake in a can' again, but apparently he'd said all he wanted to say.

"Very well, King," the Thane said levelly. "If you wish to take that which I have taken, then you must prove yourself my better!"

He reached for the massive, flat-faced axe leaning against his throne, the tempered crescent edge glinting like a superior smile in the semi-dark of the cooking fires.

"Draw, King!"

Bowser shrugged and lashed out, his claws moving so fast they traced their own white crescent through the air. The Thane collapsed as blood, black in the firelight, flew. "Medic!" he requested.

Some of the younger warriors, lacking the braids and impressive beards of the elder ones, moved to close in on them but were held back by older warriors. Probably to keep the Thane from losing even more honor by breaking his word. Honor seemed very important to them, Peach had noted.

"Let's roll, Princess," Bowser said, ignoring the angry warriors like insects with magnificent disdain. He swept toward the door, warriors parting around him.

What could she do, but tag along in his wake?

"Thank you, Bowser," she said simply.

The words still tasted uncomfortable and awkward on her tongue, but manners required she put forth the effort. And they were getting easier to say with each repetition.

"If you want to thank me, hang onto that fur bikini," he said with a toothy grin.

She'd smack him for that remark, but she's just hurt her hand. She resolved to use her frying pan when she got back.

* * *

A/N: Kind of a different tone for this one. Anyhow, this is done bar an epilogue thing wherein the Mario Bros finally return, though I do have some ideas for a somewhat more serious sequel. We'll see how it plays out.


	4. Chapter 4

Peach's safe return to the Mushroom Kingdom was astride Bowser, gripping his horns for balance.

His airship had been 'in for repairs', which she hadn't believed for a minute. Not with the expression on his face as he'd said it. This meant they had to walk back from the Thane's lair.

It had been a long walk.

He'd made the offer oh-so-casually after an hour or two of walking. In the interests of expedience, she'd eventually agreed to be lifted onto his shoulders piggyback-style. Bowser as a mount had a lot in common with riding a charging rhino. He didn't even notice her negligible weight and smashed through or trampled anything in his way. Rumbling along steadily for hours, devouring the distance without stops, the wind in her hair. If not for the creepy giggling coming from the head between her knees, it would have been perfect.

Bowser came to a halt at the palace gates, barely winded. She managed to use his shell spikes as a ladder to get down before he could lift her down himself, surprising herself with how nimble she was minus the long dresses she so often wore.

To the bugeyed Toadsworth and the gaping Mario Bros, she looked more like a warrior queen returning in triumph than the princess of the peaceful Mushroom Kingdom. Even if she was wielding a pink parasol instead of a sword.

"Mario, Luigi!" she said, delighted. "You've returned from Sarasaland! Or was it the Syrup Kingdom? In any case, let me get out of this fur bikini and you can tell me the whole story."

"You know, depending on how grateful you are -"

"Not going to happen, Bowser," Peach interrupted him crossly. They'd been having this conversation on and off since the Vikings' long hall, Bowser suggesting ever-more-outlandish ways she could repay him and she shooting down each one.

"Could I at least keep the -"

"No!"

Peach closed the door on his snout. Luckily for the Koopa King's dignity, even pouting looked somewhat fierce on his reptilian countenace.

"What-a the hell is-a going on?" Mario asked his equally baffled brother.

"Mario!" Bowser reared up in surprise, having missed them both until just now. "And the other one."

"Oh," the slightly less-famous brother grumbled, "I'll-a show _you_ 'other'…"

Mario gripped his bro's shoulder to keep him in check, not that Luigi was the kind of guy to pick a fight.

"What are-a you doing here, Bowser?"

Bowser was smiling in relief. "So you're finally back. Thank goodness."

"Uh…?" Luigi interjected, eyebrows almost disappearing under his cap in disbelief.

"Well, look!" Bowser waved a hand to indicate the small crowd that had gathered. The Mushroom people were cheering him again. It just didn't make sense. Totally unnatural.

"Thanks again, Bowser!"

"Yeah, you're all right!"

"Three cheers for Bowser!"

He needed to get out of here. Have an epic showdown with Mario. Mario could jump on his head a few times. That sort of thing made sense. Bowser knew that him being the savior of the Mushroom Kingdom made no sense at all. He'd be glad to get things back to normal, now that the plumbers were back.

Peach sighed in relief as she emerged, once again clad in pink. Her Chancellor Toadsworth collided with her midsection, clutching at her dress. "Princess, nothing… nothing _sordid_ happened, right? Oh, I don't know how I could forgive myself if something _naughty_ took place while you were in my care! Bowser, you didn't take _liberties_ with the Princess, did you?"

"I'm _fine_, Toadsworth," she rolled her eyes. "It was just a ceremonial thing. I just had to pour them some beer while they got roaring drunk."

"Er," Bowser shook his head, trying to get back to the subject he considered most important. He pointed a claw at the plumbers, who were looking like they were wondering if they hadn't gone to some weird alternate reality where Peach wore fur and leather in her off-time and Bowser was the stalwart hero of the land. "Fight me, Mario!"

Mario shrugged and nodded agreeably.

"When and where?"

Bowser paused. Started thinking. It didn't look like it came easy to the massive Koopa.

"Game of tennis?" Peach suggested.

"Yes!" Bowser cheered. "I will destroy you, Mario! Let me just go get my racket."

* * *

A/N: So, that's that. Though I do want to do a sequel eventually, don't expect that anytime soon. If you don't know what the tennis thing is all about, look up the Tvtropes page 'Go-karting with Bowser' for answers. Of a sort.

… Yeah. Thanks for reading!


End file.
